wow i'm a slacker

how long has it been since i've written in this thing?

too long, probably.

I graduated. Prom happened. Shows happened. Made friends. Lost friends. Fell in love, actually.


That's about it.

ha

i haven't written in forever, mostly because i got an oldschool journal that i'm more honest with.

silly boys, thats all i have to say. silly boys here, silly boys there.

prom is coming, im excited. good things are starting to really happen.

i made a group of friends that i wish i had all through highschool. gemtack <3

not getting where i'm going

i don't know where i'm going in life.
all i want is to be at berklee next year.
i want to magically know all the theory i need to know, and have the grades and money to get there, but i can't.
when i saw they have a summer program i freaked out. it's five weeks, but it's thousands of dollars. so i let that go.
then i saw that they have smaller summer programs. one for songwriting and one for vocalists.
i'd go to either. i would so love to go to either. but they each alone add up to like a thousand dollars. and that's impossible. i called my mom just to tell her about them, not even expecting to go and she was a total b about it. whatever.
so, i will go to hcc for a year or two.
but i'm scared about what i'm going to do after that.
i don't want to be stuck here. i want to sing and write my music. and act. i dont know. everything kind of sucks, because i don;t know what i'm working towards, and how im going to get there.

nothing exciting has been happening.
midterms are over.
this weekend i have rehearsal and whatnot.
a week from today is the concert!
woooohoo.
i love the show my life as liz.
my friends hate it, whatevs.

hungry.

a list.

it's a movie. it's a tv show. it's in facebook notes.
after seeing the bucket list and my buried life people are going ambition list crazy.

i watched a walk to remember in 6th grade i think.
there was a list.
i want a list.
i think i need a list.

in no particular order... yet.

-perform on Broadway
-name my child Lela (if i ever have a child)
-get my liscence(i know i should already have it)
-get into a really really good college in boston or new york after hcc for music
-become AMAZING at guitar
-sing songs a wrote on a stage in front of people who appreciate good music
-meet gaga
-do something that helps a cause greater than i can imagine
-be remembered
-help with a cure to alzheimers
-meet someone who means something
-get a tattoo
-give blood(again)
-live in the city
-get a puppy
-meet my biological father's sister and mother
-meet my father and his family
-write music that helps other people
-lead an extraordinary life

can i stay here with you til the morning?

i constantly back track.
like.
i have this habit of distracting myself from reality, or harsh feelings by creating new situations to put myself into. new interests.
however, say i just got a new interest, a pretend one, to distract myself from feeling like a fucktard because i let myself get played by a friend, who clearly wasn't the person i thought he was and then along comes some new information to through me right back into thinking about buttboy who makes me feel like a joke. this whole blog is a big babble vent out. so, if you have any interest in reading something other than my large moment of being self absorbed, click away. anyway. i forgive, and trust so easily. i let people in even when i know i shouldn't. basically, im not very smart about relationships, of any kind. so, tonight, im with some of my best friends, and of course i'm thinking about how i am able to be so freaking stupid.


yeah, but now that i got it out, i'm over it.

ya heard.

new song, check it out on my facebook, it's been up for about a week.

nothing's new.
and at the same time, a whole lot is.